Do you spend 1,000 dollars a year on fine cigars? Well, when your mother encourages you to smoke stogies from infancy you're bound to have a refined taste in whatever you're smoking. And when you've got so many investments that you forget that you hold a controlling interest in a company then you can afford the expense.
You're a classy fella, though your neighbors might complain about your macabre décor. We'd never judge. We actually think your collection of antique tombstones is pretty cool. And where did you ever get that giant Venus flytrap that graces your greenhouse? That's pretty cool too. No, we're not just sucking up to you after learning about your ridiculously deep pin-striped pockets, come off it. Sure, we might not consider putting a spidery rose on our lapel but maybe we aren't forward thinking enough, it's a good look with your pinstripes anyway. You make interesting choices but they always work in your favor. When you invested in those Victorian mourning wreaths made with real hair, everyone was skeptical. Now they're worth five times what you paid for them. Unfortunately, your dear wife has gotten attached to them, literally, she's wearing them as earrings.
When you don the garb of this dark and dashing aristocrat you're devoting yourself to all things macabre, from your tombstone collection to your charming wife. Don't be alarmed by the state of your new life. The floors might creak but that's just trap doors you're walking on. The snakes below know you, they won't bite. Just start growing out your handlebar mustache and you're ready to become Putrid Papa, trust us, it'll be a good investment.
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